Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
