you have to choose: penises or morals?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
