I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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