just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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