I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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