Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Randomize
