If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
