you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
