dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
How external is "for external use only"?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize