I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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