is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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