Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this boner is exhausting
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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