Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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