She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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