Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
