Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
