how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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