"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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