i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
