She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
