My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
