we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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