you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
