i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
