Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
