I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Houston, we have a blender
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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