I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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