I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
