I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
