Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
