I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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