She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
