So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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