btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
