She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
