My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
