her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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