STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
