Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
