i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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