How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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