I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
