I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize