She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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