she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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