Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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