Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
