Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
