Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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