I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
