god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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