Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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