dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
