THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
