I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
