Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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