I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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