I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
