I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
