The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
