I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
