how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
