finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
