"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
where am i from again
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize