I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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