Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
