well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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