The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
