saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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