i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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