my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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