I'm going to jail i love you
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize
