Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize