I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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