In the future we'll all be gay
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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