Plan B is the new Plan A
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
