i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
