plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
