You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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