my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she smelled like a LAN party
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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