i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
