Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
