Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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