So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
