So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize