i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
40s are totally the cure
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
