I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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